TV SCRIPT
MONOLOGUE created in the voice of BILL MAHER
for the NEW RULES segment on the show Real Time with Bill Maher on HBO
ROE V. WADE & FUTURE OF DEMOCRACY
COMMENTARY ON SUPREME COURT RULING ON ABORTION &
US CAPITOL ATTACK COMMITTEE HEARINGS
INT- REAL TIME STUDIO - at DESK- NIGHT
[MEDIUM SHOT- CENTERED]
And Finally New Rule, the Republican party has to finally admit that they were never the party of freedom.
[CAMERA PAN RIGHT → OPEN OTS BOX]
OTS: CLARENCE THOMAS in SUPREME COURT JUSTICE GARB
Clarence reverse vitiligo Thomas and his merry gang of thugs have fulfilled this Christian country’s long awaited wet dream and made abortions effectively illegal in over half of the country, the other half will likely keep them, but the fact remains that federally a woman’s right to choose has been struck down, and women in over half the country now have less reproductive rights than women in the 1970’s.
(said like a Baptist Preacher)
Why god, oh sweet Jesus, if it wasn’t hard enough to get laid already, why did you have to ruin casual sex, what the hell are we going to pray for on Sundays now Lord?!!
It’s so funny to me that the people who are so intent on deciding the future of this nation’s sexuality also happen to be the most unfuckable group of lonely Christian virgins the world has ever seen.
OTS: GINNI THOMAS with SMUG FACE as a NUN with HANDS IN PRAYER WRAPPED IN ROSARY
SPEAKING OF THE DEVIL, oh no not you Clarence, I’m talking about your wife, Ginni…
[BILL LOOKS TOWARDS OTS]
Who likes to snuggle up to Trump and his cohorts, and tries to overturn a democratic election from her phone like she’s ordering Chinese food, except it’s not Beijing Beef, it’s election thieves.
Ginni Thomas wants to lecture women about their reproductive rights, she doesn’t even believe in Constitutional ones, she tried to overturn a Democratic election. She keeps going on and on about electoral fraud, we need to watch the election, Ginny we don’t need any more election watchers, you need Weight Watchers, hon. I mean really, I haven’t seen a dried-up whale have so much of a day in court since the trial of Free Willy. Ginni, I just don’t get it, sex, reproductive rights very bad, Food, well I guess there you’re a little bit more liberal. Maybe we could trick her into doing the right thing, Ginny, it’s not Democrats, it's Digiorno.
OTS: GINNI THOMAS with SMUG FACE as a NUN with HANDS IN PRAYER WRAPPED IN ROSARY + ADD original CLARENCE THOMAS IMAGE SIDE BY SIDE
And her wonderful husband, because they really are two peas in the same diseased pod. Clarence, or as he’s known around the house, the uterus burglar. Talk about Anita Hill to die on, Clarence out of all the worthy of America’s Darth Vader, you choose abortions Clarence, honestly you would think if anybody would be Pro-Abortion it would be the rapist. Oh, did I say rapist, no I meant distinguished Justice OF COURSE.
If Clarence and the Christian right are so obsessed with protecting innocent life, then why are they cowards when it comes to Gun reform?
OTS: CLARENCE HOLDING ASSAULT RIFLE with EVIL FACE
The Republican party has become completely tone deaf and delusional.
OTS: CLARENCE with ASSAULT RIFLE POINTED AT word “FREEDOM”
Because recent polls show over 60 percent of Americans agree with Roe v. Wade, more than half of this country believes in a Woman’s fundamental right to choose, if the majority opinion isn’t in the best interest of the majority, then can we still really call this American experiment a democracy?
OTS: CLARENCE with ASSAULT RIFLE POINTED AT word “JUSTICE”
Trump doesn’t believe in democracy, and now that the January 6th hearings are more
than just a show trial, now that the Justice Department has showed its commitment well to…justice, there’s a real chance that Trump and his cronies could face legitimate charges, even possible jail time, a current close advisor to Trump admitted recently to the Washington Post that he lives in constant fear of a Federal Indictment, “I keep waiting for the feds to come raid my shit,” kind of like how we kept waiting for them to hijack our democracy with their ridiculous pelts and bullshit.
OTS: QANON SHAMAN POINTING ASSAULT RIFLE AT word “DEMOCRACY”
No longer can Trump even pretend he didn’t stage a coup, not only did he stage it and orchestrate it, but he wanted to be front and center as they overturned a democratic election and hung his vice president Mike Pence from a tree to complete his wet dream of a new American dictatorship led by him, the greatest man to ever fill the shoes.
OTS: TRUMP POINTING ASSAULT RIFLE AT word “DEMOCRACY”
That’s how deluded Trump is, he thinks himself as an American Caesar here to put and end to us “losing”, to cut off the mongrel horde, but the thing is, he’s the mongrel, he is the savage barbarian knocking on the city walls, but the problem is Americans are so stupid they actually let him inside the gate, over and over again, like a dog that likes to chase his tail or when you can’t resist to smell your own fart.
OTS: IMAGE & HEADLINE from CNBC: “Trump Lunged at Secret Service agent in rage when told he couldn’t go to Capitol on Jan. 6”
Trump attacked one of the men on his Secret Service detail and not because he told him to let go of the Wendy’s girl but because he refused to drive him to the Capitol, to watch again, the overthrow of a Democratic election, finally someone with a sense of civic duty, someone who had the balls to say enough, your line of horseshit means nothing to me, you lost, there is no vote stealing, Mr. President, just vote weeping.
It’s hard to have sympathy for traitors and bullies, but even if we did at what cost would it come? Are we willing to pay that price? Our life, our liberty, our traditions, our pursuit of happiness. No, we have to fight for what we believe in, justice, fairness, the rule of law and democracy over demagogues.
OTS: LADY JUSTICE with WORDS “DEMOCRACY, FREEDOM, JUSTICE” stacked on top of LEFT SIDE SCALE + on RIGHT SIDE of SCALE: miniature TRUMP
The Republican party has done its best effort to normalize Trump, but there’s nothing normal about him. He is a tumor that needs to be removed from the flesh of American democracy. Trump’s presidency has been a race to the bottom since it’s very inauguration, every gargantuan misstep a President can commit, Trump has committed, and all from a man who thinks the cheeseburger deserves its own place on the food pyramid, of course when you ask Trump about the Food Pyramid, he points to a map of Mexico.
Republicans no longer believe in Democracy or the rule of law, the party has shattered itself like a splintered house of mirrors, the only thing that’s left is the fragmented shadows of a bygone era. Republicans are the party for Freedom, like the Nazi’s were the party for racial harmony. It never existed and Trump has shown its true colors, it never will.
A true democracy is built around the idea of fairness, fair play is what distinguishes America from the rest of the unbridled Mob. Conservatives have been stacking the court for over a generation.
OTS: LADY JUSTICE with WORDS “DEMOCRACY, FREEDOM, JUSTICE” stacked on top of LEFT SIDE SCALE + on RIGHT SIDE of SCALE: miniature TRUMP + MITCH
Mitch McConnell famously struck down President Obama’s Supreme Justice pick near the end of his second term because “it was during an election year”, and then what happened, Trump was elected president, and there was a vacancy in the court during his election year and what did they do, they just filled it, they didn’t think twice. They didn’t play by the rules, because they no longer believe in a code of ethics or democracy, the only things they respect are authoritarianism and hypocrisy. This is what Bernie campaigned against for years, rugged individualism for the poor, socialism for the rich. Mitch loves to claim poor people are their own problem, and all they need to do is actualize their potential, they don’t need the nanny state; they are the nanny, and they should get used to it. But as soon as one of his rich Wall Street buddies goes broke, he and the rest of the Republican party are the first to write a check…and with our money too. Enough!
OTS: LADY JUSTICE with WORDS “DEMOCRACY, FREEDOM, JUSTICE” stacked on top of LEFT SIDE SCALE + on RIGHT SIDE of SCALE: miniature TRUMP + MITCH + REPUBLICAN ELEPHANT
Republicans need to stop cashing checks the American people don’t want. Seriously, enough is enough, Clarence, Mitch, Donald and the rest of the Republican party, if you guys can’t get laid, don’t ruin it for the rest of us.
OTS: LADY JUSTICE with WORDS “DEMOCRACY, FREEDOM, JUSTICE” stacked on top of LEFT SIDE SCALE + on RIGHT SIDE of SCALE: miniature TRUMP + MITCH + REPUBLICAN ELEPHANT + CLARENCE
We like our abortions, we believe in a woman right to choose, just because you haven’t seen a woman’s vagina since your mother blasted you out of her patriotic cannon doesn’t mean you can dictate what we do with ours. Let me make it perfectly clear, in the spirit of this nation’s military tradition, I’m going to explain it like they do in the military.
OTS: LADY JUSTICE with WORDS “DEMOCRACY, FREEDOM, JUSTICE” stacked on top of LEFT SIDE SCALE + on RIGHT SIDE of SCALE: miniature TRUMP + MITCH + REPUBLICAN ELEPHANT + CLARENCE + PRO-ABORTION SYMBOL of COAT HANGER with “NEVER AGAIN” written [BIG AND EXTENDED OUTSIDE OTS BOX]
“This is my pussy…there are many like it but this one is mine…you cannot control my pussy, because out of many pussies, we are one…” You can’t defeat us because Democracy and the American way of life is bigger than one people, one Demagogue, it’s a raging fire that can never be extinguished, it’s the torch of human progress that we pass to generations unborn.
And that’s the spirit we need to keep building on, we are going to win elections and we are going to win back our court. To all the women out there in what has become the new Christian Caliphate, to all the women who are scared and feel helpless, you are not alone.
This will not end here, this has just begun, it’s going to be a race to stack the next court, but it’s a race we’re not only going to have to participate in, we need to win.
Now all we can do is hope that our President, our commander in Chief, Joe Biden is better on his feet than he is with a bike.